The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
