He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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