Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
