i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize