I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
