Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
