margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
