So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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