Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize