you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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