don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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