i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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