I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
