I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
