fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
