You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
