I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize