I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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