if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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