Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
