Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
