Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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