If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
