Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
