Apparently you make a good broom.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
