my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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