In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
