Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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