What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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