I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize