I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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