this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
