this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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