a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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