I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
