what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
