I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
