I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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