i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
