the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
