things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
