It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
