I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
