I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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