you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
