I think my fart just growled at me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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