This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
