Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
