There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
