i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
