so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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