i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
