You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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