I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
