You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
