nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
