i jhust puked up my retainher.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
