dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
