I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
