i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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