I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize