I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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