dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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