hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
