So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
