i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
NoShamevember. You game?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
