When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
