I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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