THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
