listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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