things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
