Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
