I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
