dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
