you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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