tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize