No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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