I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
