Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
