i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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