i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
