It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
