The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
