I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
