So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
