1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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