I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
