Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
