You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
