You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
