I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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