Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
