My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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