That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
