He uses pillows to masturbate.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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