well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
