The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
