My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
