you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
