Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
