OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
