yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
